It's a damn cold night...

Forgiving is love's toughest work, and love's biggest risk. To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.
いつか失ってしまうのかな。薄れてゆく笑顔と君を守りたい。
-- D-technolife

If fate is a wheel, then we are the sand that is crushed between the cogs.

Don't judge a life by one difficult season.

独自并不代表孤单，在一群人中狂笑着有时更寂寞。
-- 吴庆康

At times it may not even seem rational, but the heart has a computing ability that is far more accurate and far more precise than anything within the limits of rational thought.
-- Deepak Chopra
于是我让孤独更孤独，有一种不是悲伤的悲伤，才是刻骨铭心的悲伤。
Grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console; to be understood as to understand; to be loved as to love.
-- St Francis.
People's actions are influenced by their expectations. People respond not just to what is happening now, but to what they anticipate will happen in the future.
-- Sloman
不管你会不会忘了我，我只想告诉你一个秘密。
--《不能说的·秘密》

Every action generates a force of energy that returns to us in like kind.
-- Deepak Chopra

The furthest distance in the world is not between life and death but when I stand in front of you yet you don't know that I love you.
-- Tagore
Do do not worry about tomorrow; it will have enough worries of its own. There is no need to add to the troubles each day brings.
-- Matt 6:34

まだ不器用に笑うね まだ悲しみが似合うから
キミに降る痛みを 拭ってあげたい すべて I for you
-- I For You

the optimistic pessimist

supposedly an adult, she thinks like an adult (too much, if you ask me). deep inside, she is nothing but a little girl, with her little lofty dreams and ideals. and oops, she is breaking them, one by one.
more often than not, she is just an angsty emo kid.

she is only but
a passer-by,

an onlooker,
a walking shadow.

and this girl can't stop writing.

she stalks

|| cyn bea bao zou mel ||
|| joan weepz ||
|| blockc yeanching lehia kexi zhenlin horace alvin dina sandra becca tzehee ||
|| cruzteng peifen dasmondkoh ||
|| xiaozhu xiaogui sunxiezhi ashin kangyong ||
|| derrick jinglun stefsun natho lawrencewong ||
|| feliciachin joannepeh jeanetteaw sharonaw ||
|| xiaohan hyr chimkang mingde dannyyeo ||
|| xuyunling alvinology mrbrown esther ||
|| drbondar psychdigest ||
|| kfdrawing iwrotethisforyou thingsweforget ||

After all, what is in the past but what we choose to remember? They can choose not to hide it, to take what's broken, to feel the pain and know that it will heal. They know where happiness lies, not in a cave or a country, but in love and the freedom to give and take what has been there all along.
-- The Bonesetter's Daughter

she watches on

Others desire to experience the blessedness of giving, but we often frustrate them by refusing their help.


“你有心事吗？”
“或许有一天，我会告诉你吧。”
--《不能说的·秘密》

she holds on

　Memories were also a way of looking in a mirror, but it was a jagged mirror of broken glass, one that cast imperfect reflections. Like shards, these memories drew blood.

February 2003 March 2003 April 2003 May 2003 June 2003 July 2003 September 2003 October 2003 November 2003 December 2003 January 2004 February 2004 March 2004 April 2004 May 2004 June 2004 July 2004 August 2004 September 2004 October 2004 November 2004 December 2004 January 2005 February 2005 March 2005 April 2005 May 2005 June 2005 July 2005 August 2005 September 2005 October 2005 November 2005 December 2005 January 2006 February 2006 March 2006 April 2006 May 2006 June 2006 July 2006 August 2006 September 2006 October 2006 November 2006 December 2006 January 2007 February 2007 March 2007 April 2007 May 2007 June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 November 2009 December 2009 January 2010 February 2010 March 2010 April 2010 May 2010 June 2010 July 2010 August 2010 September 2010 October 2010 November 2010 December 2010 January 2011 February 2011 March 2011 April 2011 May 2011 June 2011 July 2011 August 2011 September 2011 October 2011 November 2011 January 2012 February 2012 April 2012 May 2012 June 2012 July 2012 August 2012 October 2012 November 2012 December 2012 January 2013 February 2013 March 2013 April 2013 May 2013 June 2013 July 2013 August 2013 September 2013 October 2013 November 2013 December 2013 January 2014 February 2014 March 2014 April 2014 May 2014 June 2014 July 2014 August 2014 September 2014 October 2014 November 2014 December 2014 January 2015 February 2015 March 2015 April 2015 May 2015 July 2015 September 2015 October 2015 November 2015 December 2015 January 2016 February 2016 March 2016 April 2016 May 2016 June 2016 August 2016 September 2016 October 2016 November 2016 December 2016 January 2017 February 2017 April 2017 May 2017 August 2017 September 2017 October 2017 November 2017 December 2017 January 2018 February 2018 April 2018 June 2018 July 2018 September 2018 October 2018 November 2018 December 2018 February 2019 April 2019 June 2019 August 2019 October 2019 December 2019 January 2020 February 2020 March 2020 April 2020 May 2020 July 2020 November 2020 February 2021 April 2021 July 2021 September 2021 November 2021 March 2022

she never gets

永远不会交的功课 || 永远不会实现的愿望

|| you ||

Responsibility means not blaming anyone or anything for your situation, including yourself... Whatever relationships you have attracted in your life at this moment are precisely the ones you need in your life at this moment. There is a hidden meaning behind all events, and this hidden meaning is serving your own evolution.
-- Deepak Chopra

she thanks

Designer : Wei Jun
Brushes : Deviantart - Spy Glass

I don't know, I don't know. Sometimes I feel like I'm a pair of eyes and ears, and I'm just trying to stay safe and make sense of what's happening. I know what to avoid, what to worry about.I'm like those kids who live with gunfire going off around them. I don't want pain. I don't want to die. I don't want to see other people around me die. But I don't have anything left inside me to figure out where I fit in or what I want. If I want anything, it's to know what's possible to want.
-- The Bonesetter's Daughter

Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.
Hebrews 11:1

Monday, August 29, 2005
withers away @ 10:29 pm

come lets blog abt some mundane stuff..
today's gp prelims.. as usual i didnt know wad i was writing towards the last 1/2h of both papers.. so both my essay and AQ are nothing but utter crap.. i'll be happy if i dun end up a c6.. it doesnt help when i dunno the topic of the passages well enough to churn up examples.. oh wells.. nvm its all over..
stayed back for a survey which i did within 5min.. doink.. went out wif bea and el to celebrate bea's bdae.. good time for a break too.. i was so drained after the papers..
went for icecream sponsered by el.. *glomps* it was heavenly.. ice cream balls dipped in warm choc and nuts.. wad can be better than that man.. haha.. i never knew such things existed till el told me.. thank God for u:D
den we went for sushi buffet.. trust us to have such stomachs man.. haha.. el and i ate so fast i think we finished abt 6 plates each in less than 1/2h.. we were just eating and eating and eating haha.. den we got so full we had to rest for a while before continuing.. i ate till i wanted to puke - literally.. good thing i didnt.. haha..
den after that i went to the bookshop.. got all the stuff i wanted to buy and went to the counter.. and realized i dun have enough money.. and all the stuff were already put in a plastic bag liaoz.. so malu.. bleahz.. so had to tell her i didnt have enough money.. haha..
i went without dinner and my stomach's grumbling now.. oops.. haha
well and there goes my day.. a little more interesting than mugging all day.. hmm oh wells.. prelims is in 2 wks.. i dun wanna think abt it.. can i keep it out of my mind for a while.. just a while..

It's something Mystical

Tuesday, August 23, 2005
withers away @ 10:57 pm

i got maths and bio strewn all over the table in front of me.. but wad am i doing now? here typing away and listening to this song over the radio.. i know i will miss ae86.. haha..
hou shi jing li de shi jie
yue lai yue yuan de dao bie
ni zhuan shen xiang bei
ce lian hai shi hen mei
wo yong yan guang qu zhui
jing ting jian ni de lei

zai che chuang wai mian pai hui
shi wo cuo shi de ji hui
ni zhan de fang wei
he wo zhong jian ge zhe lei
jie jing yi zhi zai hou tui
ni de beng kui zai chuang wai ling sui

wo yi lu xiang bei
li kai you ni de ji jie
ni shuo ni hao lei
yi wu fa zai ai shang shei

feng zai shan lu chui
guo wang de hua mian quan dou shi wo bu dui
xi shu can kui
wo shang ni ji hui

wo yi lu xiang bei
li kai you ni de ji jie
fang xiang pan zhou wei
hui zhuan zhe wo de hou hui

wo jia su chao yue
que shuai bu diao jin jin gen sui de shang bei
xi shu can kui
wo shang ni ji hui

ting zhi lang bei
jiu rang cuo chun cui
yi lu xiang bei by jay

It's something Mystical

Monday, August 22, 2005
withers away @ 10:31 pm

seriously wad's there interesting to blog abt these days.. everything that happens is usually mugging and more mugging.. haha.. everyday after lunch its "where are we going to mug?" im glad we dun haf to mug for a living for our whole lives.. mugging for exams is pretty pointless.. ok i dun wanna go into this again.. there's no point in complaining so much.. since u still haf to do it in the end, den juz do it man.. haha..
sometimes i think i think too much for my own good.. budden again.. dun they want us to be thinking people.. but thinking requires alot of time and energy too.. where do all that time and energy come from.. we got so much to do.. and not only academically.. everything else needs time and effort as well.. im not going to forego stuff that are close to my heart just like this.. still clinging on to my set of beliefs..
been rather pmsy.. hafta control my emotions better.. bad me..
this seems like an entry that is meant for myself to read.. haha.. juz sounds a little weird..

It's something Mystical

Monday, August 15, 2005
withers away @ 11:03 pm

ytd was the last wkend for Fr iggy.. going to columbia to further his studies.. we're all going to miss him man.. i've always enjoyed his homilies.. bleahz.. he left us a verse.. he left us the song "when we hold on together".. haiz so sad..
duty to God.. duty to God.. made me think alot.. hmmm
oh yah.. let's just say im dreading the day we get back the essays we did today.. coz i noe i didnt meet her expectations.. i guess its the first time im so worried abt the essay i write.. gosh.. haha.. let's just hope we survive somehow.. or would i prefer a fast death than this slow torturing one? hmmmm
oh yes.. found the website with all of derrick's songs.. d/led this one immediately.. love the way he sang it at revival round.. he added another taste to it the last time he sang it, which added to the bitterness of his leaving.. bleahz.. so sad..
ni zai na li
zhe xie nian lai ru yi bu ru yi
hai kuai le
hai dan chun
hai mei li
shi guang ru he dui ni
wo zai zhe li
ren hai zhong yi zuo dao yu
hen ping jing
feng ping lang jing
zhi chu le shen ye li hui yi hui feng kuang lai xi

wo hen xiang ni
ni zhi dao ma
ru guo ke yi jiu rang wo zai jian ni
mei hao wei xiao
qing che yan jing
hao que ding na chang fen li zhi hui le wo yi ge er yi

wo hen xiang
ni ting jian le ma
zhe shi wei yi wo wu jie de kun jing
na xie guo qu
bu ken guo qu
bu guan wo hou lai yu jian duo shao ren
zhi neng tan xi dou bu shi ni

wo zai na li
ni hui bu hui ou er hao qi
you mei you ceng jing huai yi
wo shuo wo hui wang ji zhi shi zhong hao yi dou bu shi ni
wo zhi xiang ai ni
hen xiang ni by zhang zhi chen / derrick:)

It's something Mystical

Saturday, August 13, 2005
withers away @ 10:33 pm

had colours award dry run ytd.. when i wasnt even supposed to be there haha.. the organizers dun really know wad they're supposed to do or how things are supposed to be run.. bleahz.. wasted my time.. well but spent the time bitching abt her to ky.. haha..
den spent another like.. 45min bitching abt her to my mum.. towards the end my mum got agitated too and said "wah lao like this cannot like that also cannot.. ask her go and die lah.." of coz my mum doesnt really mean it but.. hiya wad can we do.. she told us to protest as a class.. im juz afraid it'll all come back down on us again.. arghz..
oh yah derrick's out.. im so sad.. seeing him so sad that night.. i nv really noticed him or thought he was good until the revival round.. the song he sang was really v nice.. and he sang it again that night.. ahhhhh.. and the next round is going to be a terribly tough fight too..
hmm say im mad.. haha.. im looking for his songs to d/l..

It's something Mystical

Tuesday, August 09, 2005
withers away @ 10:07 pm

well well lets see wad ive done for this long national day hols..
had a nice day out on sunday.. went out wif cyn, bea n el to shop.. well more for getting a present for bea.. haha always enjoy myself when im out wif them hoho.. bought gang bracelet! haha.. so fun.. can wear it whenever we go out as a gang.. and taking neoprints are forever so... hilarious.. haha.. hmm something out of pt: we better decide proper on where to go if we're going overseas after As! *hears the screamings of "japan!"*
den bea and i waited for 171 to go tch bus stop.. meet all the ppl going to ede's condo's function rm for guitar farewell.. thought we were going to be late.. but as usual.. we had more ppl later than us.. and which so happened includes both our new and old pres haha.. oops i think i quite mean haha..
when we reached there we seniors juz plonk ourselves down on the couch and talked while the juniors carried all the stuff and got everything ready there for us to eat.. for the first time man.. when we could just sit there and do nothing.. haha.. felt a bit weird.. hmmm
and then we started eating... and playing the intellectual game, as ky calls it.. haha.. so fun.. haha.. pretty bian tai though.. haha..
just when i thought we were going to go home after the food.. ian annouced that the programme was going to start.. well we really had no idea wad they planned beforehand.. well they let us sit in a circle and share with everyone wadeva they had to say.. and i was the first to talk.. oh wells.. den they brought in candles.. well a bit difficult to describe the farewell gift.. hmmm.. but it was real nice of them.. we blew out the candles in the end for fear of any smoke detector around haha.. den we wrote little notes which we put into a guitar.. wrote our names on it.. its sorta like a time capsule.. pretty nice idea.. haha..
we stayed till pretty late.. had a nice chat with ppl.. i mean.. how many chances would i get to talk with them again? as usual on the bus trip home ky and i were talking and talking non stop.. well.. its the last time we're officially tgt doing something or wad.. after colours award next fri rather.. i really wanna thank the juniors for coming up with this.. at least we had a chance to say bye.. well.. i dunno wad else to say.. just.. thank u.. :)
ytd.. was pretty crappy.. ndc wasnt ndc at all.. it was more of cultural mapping and cip.. the kids were so cute.. but organisation pretty much sucked.. we didnt even noe when the whole thing was over.. oh nvm.. went for lunch at ps.. was pretty tired coz i got too tired the previous day haha.. den went home and.. slacked..
oh and today was spent on.. watching ndp? haha.. oh and i got to noe frm bea.. MEL!! omedetooooooooo that was really great results for ur As man yoohoooo~ hmmm wonder if there's a chance to see u when u're out for natsumatsuri.. hmmm do we have a chance to take a full gang neoprint again?
i always say i gotta mug.. but i think im still slacking.. this is bad.. if this continues i know that im going to get sucky resutls again.. i dun care i must do work..

It's something Mystical

Saturday, August 06, 2005
withers away @ 10:59 pm

going out tml! gonna get bea's present.. den going for farewell.. turnout's pretty bad.. as usual.. but alot of effort went to it i think.. oops.. they paid quite a bit..
i dun really rmbr wad happened.. everyday seems the same.. gotta endure this for another few more months.. alot of things have been running through my mind.. when i saw this grp of ny softballers on the same bus as me when i was going home that day, i couldnt help but recall our days in ny.. the same way we were so noisy and rough and.. more or less carefree.. not bothering with however others would view us.. haiz.. those were the days..

It's something Mystical

Tuesday, August 02, 2005
withers away @ 12:14 am

oh well today's pretty.. screwed u could say.. extra lessons strip me of time to mug.. and her lessons, though probably useful for As, are really really stressful.. i got niao-ed again.. no one dares to say anything, because she doesnt allow mistakes.. that kind of condemnation makes me super pissed.. her attitude is really terrible.. stifling.. everyone gets niao-ed unless u say and do the right thing.. who dares to do anything anymore? bleahz.. i dunno how long more do we haf to endure this.. hoho..
yu jian ni
zhi hou ai shang ni
ran hou hen tou ni
yuan lai ai shi hui bu qu de lu xing
qin ai de
rang wo wang ji ni
na xie shi qing
wo zhong yu kan zi xi
xian wei jing xia de ai qing by huang yida

It's something Mystical